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HecklersprayGrown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Do The Beatles hate people in wheelchairs? John Lennon was always ‘spazzing’ during the Fab Four’s shows in the 60s wasn’t he? Is there some kind of ablist agenda with the group? Surely not? Surely that can’t be right? Executives at Apple Corps, which is the company set up by the assorted members of Mop [...]
Well. What a week THAT was, are we right avid reader? There’s been things going down; the Titanic, Heather Trott, Tulisa Contro-Contos-Whatever, things coming up; the price of pasties, petrol and penises in front of Tulisa (we’ve reached the quota of Tulisa blowjob jokes, worry not). We’re very surprised that any has any eye fluid [...]
Gwyneth Paltrow has a tedious life. She’s married to Chris Martin from Coldplay for a kick-off. As such, she’s taken to standing in pharmacies in England and getting so excited that she could potentially soil herself. No, we’re not twisting her words. She actually gets excited by chemists. So is she getting in a tizz [...]
Kim Kardashian Is Being Taken To Court By Ex-Husband Over Wedding PresentsFri, 30 Mar 2012 12:00:41 +0000
Firstly, well done if you half read the headline and thought it was about David Gedge. Secondly, how awful a human must Kim Kardashian be if estranged husband Kris Humphries is taking her to court over some wedding presents, which were going to benefit charity? See, after the demise of their 72 day marriage, Kris [...]
George Lucas has not exactly endeared himself to Star Wars fanatics lately, tinkering with the films they love so dearly. Darth Vader shouting "Noooooo!" seems to have sent fans so insane with rage, that they have written many, many angry forum posts. Heavy. Death Star heavy. And so, like a small boy who is tired [...]
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito To Star In Triplets With Eddie Murphy (WHAT?!)Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:00:48 +0000
Rehashing old films is the order of the day in Hollywood currently. 3D rereleases of old tat and revamps of 80s TV series, boardgames and movies are rampant. With Total Recall getting remade without Arnie, what can he do with his time? Well, when he’s not constantly saying sorry for shagging his maid and having [...]
BBC Axe Total Wipeout: Richard Hammond And Amanda Byram Hilariously Out Of A JobFri, 30 Mar 2012 09:00:43 +0000
Auntie BBC has announced that she’s going to axe the gameshow Total Wipeout after three years on air… which is obviously hilarious because this means Richard Hammond won’t be on TV quite so much and Amanda Byam is out of a job completely! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Of course, watching people fall over is always funny, but the [...]
Snoop Dogg To Make Reggae Album Which Might Just Contain A Few Weed ReferencesThu, 29 Mar 2012 15:00:54 +0000
Snoop Dogg likes to smoke a little of that sticky icky icky. We know this because he talks about almost nothing else. Remarkably, he hasn’t proclaimed a fondness for reggae yet, so the rapper has decided to create yet another ode to weed by announcing that he’s making a reggae LP with Diplo. Yes, really. It’ll [...]
Despite the rumours that persist about Ashley Cole, he went and got married to Cheryl from Girls Aloud (despite the rumours that persist about her too). All was going swimmingly until Ashley started fooling around. Overnight, the heartache meant that Cheryl Cole because the people’s princess. We forgot all about that toilet attendant business. Ashley [...]
Amazing news! Sir Elton John is planning to have another baby, apparently! That’s right, the bitch is back and he’s pregnant with his second child. Of course, his partner David Furnish has had something to do with it. When Elton gives birth, it’ll be a delightful sibling for 14-month-old son Zachary. We do worry about Elton [...]
Tulisa Runs Away To USA Where They Don’t Have The Internet Or SarcasmThu, 29 Mar 2012 12:00:07 +0000
Leave it! Two two’s naaah! Tulisa Contostavlos is fleeing the UK to hide away in the US after being repeatedly mocked over her sex tape with MC Ultra. Mainly because she doesn’t appear to be very good at giving gobbles. The X Factor judge is planning to escape by heading to Miami to visit Terius [...]
Poor Dr. Conrad Murray, we can imagine that he’s not having the best of times in prison at the moment. Despite being convicted of the manslaughter of a certain Michael Jackson, he knows that, when he’s released, he’ll be battered with abuse from fanatical Jackson goons. We don’t imagine prison to be an exciting place, [...]
Rihanna Is Not Dating Ashton Kutcher, Stopping Advent Of World’s Most Ghoulish CoupleThu, 29 Mar 2012 10:00:23 +0000
Did you hear the one about Rihanna being romantically linked to Ashton Kutcher? If you didn’t, you’ve not been reading hecklerspray and, frankly, we hate you for that. There has been reports that the two were knocking their uglies together though. A dreadful, honking notion, don’t you think? Well, it seems RiRi isn’t letting The [...]
Will Ferrell Announces Anchorman 2, Which Is Great News For Thick PeopleThu, 29 Mar 2012 09:00:25 +0000
Will Ferrell is one of the worst things ever to happen to anything. He’s up there with Adam Sandler, Sarah Silverman and Robert Mugabe. And all of these people are mystifyingly popular with gawping idiots. Ferrell, presumably mugging in someone’s face and making farting noises right now, has a criminal record of tawdry comedy as [...]
Demi Moore Understandably Devastated By Ashton Kutcher And Rihanna Having It Off With Each OtherWed, 28 Mar 2012 15:30:56 +0000
In what universe is it okay to see Ashton Kutcher and Rihanna in a relationship? Just how did we smite thee god, to end up with such a repugnant pair, followed closely by a broken Demi Moore? This is what is happening according to reports and rumours. The vapid Kutch is rumoured to be having [...]
